dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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