if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
