thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
