After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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