Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
