You just made me feel so damn special
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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