and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
