Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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