sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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