you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
