so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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