Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
