My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
