Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
