I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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