i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
