yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
