Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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