The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
