I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
