I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was confusing and full of hummus
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
