I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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