Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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