Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
