If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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