tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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