i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
