Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As shirtless as possible
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You pole danced in your parka.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
