I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
