Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
