Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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