i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
