Apparently you make a good broom.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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