I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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