that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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