Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How does it feel to date your dad?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
