he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
