So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
