I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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