From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
