It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
