I skipped work to stalk him.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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