I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
