You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
