So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
