I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
