He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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