I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What a dumb baby whore.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
