:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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