Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
