Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.