Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!

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  (240): Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr! http://tfl.nu/r5un
  Replies (3) Good night (1634) Bad night (849)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it

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  (713): My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it http://tfl.nu/zhky
  Replies (109) Good night (1109) Bad night (4791)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

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  (972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi
  Replies (15) Good night (755) Bad night (3365)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.

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  (574): its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes. http://tfl.nu/wfzo
  Replies (68) Good night (3760) Bad night (1985)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you

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  (306): funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you http://tfl.nu/jsw9
  Replies (22) Good night (5334) Bad night (1559)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?

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  (360): Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me? http://tfl.nu/3uhh
  Replies (16) Good night (1260) Bad night (3694)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.

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  (615): The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted. http://tfl.nu/wtc2
  Replies (4) Good night (3201) Bad night (1029)
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  (+82): View more from South Korea

  Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.

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  (+82): Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too. http://tfl.nu/v8p8
  Replies (6) Good night (2432) Bad night (1186)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.

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  (940): Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line. http://tfl.nu/5wo4
  Replies (5) Good night (874) Bad night (1759)
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  (805): View more from California

  Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.

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  (805): Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes. http://tfl.nu/5iyn
  Replies (5) Good night (1744) Bad night (489)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok

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  (412): I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok http://tfl.nu/vgre
  Replies (7) Good night (2157) Bad night (559)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.

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  (302): my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list. http://tfl.nu/q5hw
  Replies (8) Good night (439) Bad night (774)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats

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  (226): I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats http://tfl.nu/76ap
  Replies (0) Good night (517) Bad night (288)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat

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  (630): You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat http://tfl.nu/qknk
  Replies (1) Good night (326) Bad night (466)
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  (315): View more from New York

  turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes

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  (315): turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes http://tfl.nu/o917
  Replies (1) Good night (857) Bad night (276)

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