we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone