There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house