my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
