she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.