Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.