Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS