she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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