It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
