Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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