Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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