I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
