Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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