Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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