Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
